I feel so alone in this world of busy people. Going to work, having great relationships, having money to do what they need to do.. Why does it seem like I am so alone? I have family that I never hear from. I have a boyfriend who claims he is a “Landscaper” yet me yard is not “landscaped”. He has called me his ex – girlfriends name on two occasions and I truly believe that is because he is still thinking of her. Okay. I get it. If you still are thinking of her, then go be with her. Why is it that you are still with me after five years? Why are you here? I feel like you are a burden to me and just a user because you rarely work. I know about Landscapers and I understand that they do not work during bad weather, rain, sleet, hail, snow but you are constantly out of work due to your “bosses obligations for other things like family events and outings”.
I am sick of this, for months I have to foot ALL of the bills because you are not working on your “Landscaping” job and I am maxed out of my credit cards. You work from May thru October soooooo, that leaves me with the burden of handling all of the bills. So when you do work, the first thing you do is buy weed. Then, you hold money in your pocket. I am so sick of you that I just do not know what to do. I want you out of my life. You are a LOSER……The little bit of money that you give to me does not suffice, yet you think that I am supposed to be happy, satisfied and want to give you sex whenever you want it?
I do not know about other women but I do not have an appetite for sex when I know that basically all of the bills are paid by me. The man that I am with does not have a car, a driver’s license, a bank account, any credit cards, or his own place. When I met him, he lived with is mother. He gets food stamps and does not even have a phone that he pays for. He has a “government phone” that works on minutes that they give you for free.
I feel like such an idiot for even dealing with a person such as he is. I work everyday, now that I have a part-time job but I feel that I have no back-bone or support. Okay ladies, yes he cooks, cleans, and gives me money towards bills. However, it is not enough to pay the Mortgage. He knows that I have lost my job and working towards something better yet he continues to do what he does — work whenever. He has people picking him up for work (which is something that I would love to happen for me), however, it is on their terms.
I am so frustrated. I want to leave him. I actually want him out of my life but I have no one else. He is there for me for everything that I do, everywhere that I go….if I ask him to go with me. If I am sick and call him when he is working, he comes home to make sure I am ok. He goes wherever I ask him to go. These are qualities that a man with a lot of money or a business does not display. I say that because I have been with men who have lots of money. Yet, they did not have lots of time. In fact, they had very little time to spend with me. I rarely saw them..
So, my delimma is should should I stay with him or not?